So You’ve Left The Church?
Why Christians Leave Churches - Here are the 7 Main Reasons.
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There are many reasons why some Christians may leave their churches, and these reasons can vary depending on individual circumstances. However, the following are seven common reasons people may decide to leave:
Spiritual Disconnection.
People may feel disconnected from the church spiritually. They may feel that the church no longer meets their spiritual needs, or that they are not growing in their faith due to a lack of meaningful teaching or engagement. They may also just find that they aren’t connecting with the teaching/preaching or ministries of the church. This can sometimes be a church issue – maybe they’re watering things down. It can also be a personal issue. In high challenge ministry environments, it may feel like too much for where the person is at in that season.
Church Hypocrisy.
Individuals may leave if they perceive hypocrisy within the congregation, such as members or leaders not living in accordance with the principles they preach. This can create disillusionment and a loss of trust in the community. Scripture places a heavy demand on leaders, and its members. Unfortunately, some church models and leadership structures foster something which I call the ‘MOSES MENTALITY.’ It’s a type of structure built around one person. Now the church should be built around one person, and one person alone - Christ, but here I mean that the culture can build around a particular leader. This means that often, there is only one real leader. What do you do as that leader when you realise, you’re struggling with an issue? Who do you go to? Church leaders in these structures can feel trapped and unable to be honest – which leads only to disappointment in the leadership, disillusionment, and hurt on all sides, when the leader stumbles or falls. This structure and its dangers tend to trickle down through organisations and departments so that little micro kingdoms are built by other sub leaders. This again means that people become trapped in sinful habits, patterns, and even moral dilemmas with nowhere to turn. The leaders and the congregation are responsible for this culture, and to some degree these outcomes.
Members should also remember that if they were the only ones in the church, it would still be a sinful congregation, because they would be there, and we all stumble in various ways. It’s difficult to be a leader, and much harder to be a Christian leader. Often the best we can do is to create structures and cultures which foster accountability, transparency, and true repentance. Unfortunately, even with healthy cultures that are built around Christ alone, people will still leave because they’re upset with other people.
Church Conflicts.
Internal conflicts within the church, whether between members, leaders, or factions, can create an environment of division. Some individuals may leave if they feel caught in conflicts or if the church environment becomes toxic or unwelcoming. I have been surprised at the lack of self-awareness in professing Christians. The way in which Christians often treat other believers still shocks me. It’s so easy to become offended and to leave a church because of a minor disagreement. Members go from calling a church their ‘spiritual family’ to completely disowning them because “God is calling them on.” I often then think, “didn’t you tell me just 3-6 months ago that God was calling you to be here? Is God struggling to make up his mind?” No, I don’t think God has anything to do with it for most people.
People get offended or come into disagreement but often have the skills to work through a simple conflict or disagreement with any self-awareness. Now that being said, there are church conflicts that warrant a person leaving the church, especially when there have been moral issues, when leadership isn’t being truthful and fails to repent; when there has been an abusive power dynamic which comes into play between leadership and members, or leaders and other leaders.
I have seen this level of internal conflict happen; I’ve suffered from it personally. I’ve seen others suffer from it who are close to me. The lack of biblical process around conflict can leave members and even leaders damage people for years. Often, it’s nothing serious at all, it’s a minor root of bitterness that springs up and because it’s not dealt with, it becomes something bigger than what it is. I regularly feel that Christ would say nine simple words to the church today, “I love you, but it’s time to grow up.”
Doctrinal Disagreements.
Differences in beliefs and core theological teachings may lead to departures. If someone feels that the church no longer aligns with their personal understanding of the Bible or theological convictions, they may decide to seek out a church that aligns more closely with their beliefs. In the past decade we’ve seen many congregants leave churches or even denominations that have become more liberal in their teaching and stances on key cultural issues. If a church departs from teaching what the scriptures clearly teaches, you should leave that church. In 1 Timothy, Paul makes it clear that keeping a watch over your personal life (relating to point number 2), and the doctrine you teach, as a leader will lead to potentially saving effects in the congregation:
“Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.” 1 Timothy 4:16
People often feel that they should leave theological disagreements to the side and focus on creating a stronger community, however I tend to disagree, at least when it comes to major issues. When leaders deny - the trinity, God’s plan for men and women, the authority and infallibility of scripture, and/or an emphasis on repentance and faith as the only biblically authentic response to the Gospel, then that church should be left.
I also think that scripture commands leaders to confront false or diss-unifying passion points that congregants can often bring into church settings and push for a hyperfocus on. Any point of theology of scripture that members/or ministers push as a hyper-focus, will be out of balance at best, and a form of deception and misguidance at worst. Leaders are called to:
“…preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” 2 Timothy 4:2
Then in Titus 1:9 (on the qualifications for eldership)
9 He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound[g] doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.”
People who leave a church because they have been corrected in matters of doctrine need to review the concept of Christian discipleship. Unless of course, they’re being asked to contradict sound doctrine themselves. People who leave because they feel their church has departed from sound doctrine, should do so.
Lack of Community.
Many people leave churches because they feel they are not part of a supportive, close-knit community. The sense of isolation or a lack of meaningful relationships can lead someone to look for a different place of worship where they feel more connected. This is especially true for young families, where parents are not thinking about themselves but about the connection for their own children. I’ve heard people say, “I don’t get fed at the church really, but it’s got a good kids programme and my kids like it.” I used to think that parents who made decision like this were making a poor choice. However, after planting a church myself, and seeing the lack of enthusiasm in our own four kids as that sat and played on their own for a season, I have become far more empathetic. Community was a key part of the church in the NT and should be today. If there is a lack of community, it will affect some more than others. I no longer undermine this element of the church, and I don’t think others should either. I also believe that people who feel this way in or about the church they’re a part of, might be feeling that way because God wants to make them part of the solution.
Changes in Church Leadership.
A change in pastoral leadership or church direction can be a major reason people leave. If new leadership does not meet the expectations or vision that individuals had, they may choose to leave the church. A new leader, or new leaders, will bring their own values and priorities to the mission and ministry. Sometimes this is what a church needs, but sometimes it can be disastrous. Churches can and should raise up their own leaders from within who understand the church, its people, and can bring a new day vision without creating major/unnecessary changes.
Often people may have been wanting to leave the church because of one other six reasons mentioned here, but out of politeness or a resistance to conflict, they have stayed on – much longer perhaps then they might have wanted to. A new leader can be a great excuse/off ramp into another season. It’s a perfectly valid time to move churches. This is another reason why regular leadership changes can be and often prove to be major hurdles to the health and growth of a church.
Life Changes or Priorities.
Major life events such as moving to a new area, changes in family dynamics, or shifts in work schedules can make attending church more difficult. Some individuals may prioritize other aspects of their life, such as career or family, and drift away from church attendance. Marriages that break down often can lead to one or both parties leaving a church. The community element of a church can be a river of healing to couples and families who have gone through traumatic periods, or they can become toxic pools, filled with gossip bacteria when the life and love of God isn’t flowing, or when the church has stagnated.
New stages are common off ramps, but not only the sadder – perhaps more negative moments, but also the positive, exciting periods. When a couple has their first child, Church can feel like just another thing, and as such can become de-prioritized. As a parent with four children, I am sympathetic to this plight. What we teach is that every believer is a disciple first. Before anything else: friend, spouse, father/mother, the Christian is first a follower of Jesus. Whilst it’s understandable that people leave churches in times of personal change, a healthy church will add so much value throughout all these times. I’ve seen first-hand
These reasons can vary in significance and impact depending on personal experiences, and for some, the decision to leave may be a combination of factors. If you’ve left the church, we’d love to invite you back this year.
The answer to a difficult church experience is not no more church experiences, but a new/healthy experience. That’s what we believe God has for you.
We’d like to be that for you.
Jesse Herschell –Foundation Church.
